I Hope You'll be Happy
by XarluLunete
Summary: Cloud's having relationship trouble with Sephiroth, thinking he's losing him to Marluxia. A bit better than I'm making it sound... maybe. AU, slight-OOC, and other things that may or may not piss you off.
1. Prologue

It seems like I'm doing anything to not update on my other stories, huh? Well, I'll update… soon, but I kinda wanted to put this out. It relates to stuff that's been happening as of late. So… notice that this isn't romance? Yeah, things won't end well, I'll tell you this much. And I put this under Kingdom Hearts (despite the pairing) instead of Final Fantasy VII for my own reasons. Oh, by the way, the characters? Not mine. I only own the angst.

Warning~ Mentioned Cleon (but in past-tense and for only like, a sentence, sorry), SephirothxMarluxia (don't let this scare you off) and clouds filled with angst (horrible pun).

Oh, and this is supposed to be a journal entry thingy, so it's Cloud's POV.

* * *

I really don't know what to do anymore.

Sephiroth says that he likes Marluxia, but he still ends every heart-breaking note with 'Your One-Winged Angel'. And it makes it fucking hurt **that much more**. When things went bad with Leon, I didn't feel a thing; I just ended it and moved on. But, with Sephiroth…

He wants me to decide. For the both of us. But, I **can't**. He knows my answer; I've been telling him for a week now. "I want you to stay." But, he keeps asking, like he wants a different answer…

Why the fuck did Marluxia have to do this? He knows I love Sephiroth, that he makes me happy… Sephiroth told me about something that happened Saturday, when he was over Marluxia's house. They **kissed**. He **liked** it. He even admitted that Marluxia wanted sex, but he said 'no'.

Though, right now, I don't believe him. When he comes back on Thursday, and I give him my note, I really hope he's honest. But, it's his honesty that I kind of fear. If he's really truthful, he'll probably say that he wants to be with Marluxia and, so I don't contradict myself, I'll have to let him. With a smile on my face.

"I hope you'll be happy."

Then, I'd have to endure that. The loving looks, the kisses, the caresses. All of them; once mine, comforting me and protecting me, they would just mock me, put me through hell as I endure it all.

Aerith told me that I looked better when I smiled, when I was truly **happy**. I put on a mask in front of everyone and tell that I'm fine; but my façade never fools her; I don't think it fools anyone. I'm easy to read, like a fucking book.

And even if Sephiroth tells me that he wants me, nothing would be the same. Every kiss would seem bitter, **wrong**. Every time he would pull me onto his lap would seem like I'm not suppose to be there. Then I would have to face him and tell him.

"This is wrong. You don't love me. You can't fool me."

* * *

I know that there are parts that don't make sense, but this is suppose to be a journal written in sadness, fear, and partial anger (which kinda makes sense of the random cursing); it would only make sense to Cloud himself. But, any questions, put them in your review and I reply to clarify things.


	2. The Note

Cloud shuffled along the streets of Radiant Gardens in a mild passive state. He wasn't even sure that he would see the man that day; but the mood remained, so long as he carried that small, folded-up sheet of paper in his pocket.

It was a tiny, innocent thing that held such words; whether they were his or not, it didn't matter; that seemed to increase the paper's flimsy weight ten-fold, making Cloud struggle both mentally and physically (through mental influence) forward.

_I'm a delivery boy, right? When I find Sephiroth, I just give the note to him, let him read it, and let what truth he has come my way to either… _bitchslap me_, like I'm sure it will, or comfort and discomfort me at the same time. It's no different than any of my other deliveries… save for a _huge_ difference in how much I really care about him versus any other person… Well, there goes the effectiveness of _that_ pep talk…_

He continued his inward musings as he walked, until he was abruptly pulled out by the impact of him and some other person walking into each other.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention-" Cloud was in the middle of apologizing when he stopped upon looking into wintry green eyes. "Sephiroth…"

"Why, Cloud, you sound like it's a **misfortune** that you've ran into me." Sephiroth stated with mock hurt and real amusement.

The blonde was taken aback at his lover's joviality, and then began to wonder if the man had a bipolar disorder. "It's not!" Cloud said hastily. "It's not. Believe me, being with you could never be a bad thing." The phrase seemed cliché coming out of his mouth, but that didn't mean that it was insincere.

Sephiroth's lips formed something of a small smile; the meaning behind it seeming vague to Cloud; and he pulled him into a hug. The warmth in their embrace was comforting, the small gesture bringing the blonde to think about the note, the illusionary weight being slightly lifted by Sephiroth's presence. But not enough to make a difference as Cloud shifted to touch it within the depths of his pocket.

"Is something wrong, Cloud?"

He looked up, realizing that the space between them had increased again, to meet the silverette's wintry gaze, which reflected concern. Cloud fumbled for words. "No, I just-" he sighed and grabbed the note from his pocket, handing it to Sephiroth. "Here."

Notes between the two men were not unusual. They always spoke of random conversations not meant for the public to hear, or true emotions and opinions about something that had occurred between them that particular day. It was the only way they could really speak with both of their tight schedules and the inability their true thoughts verbally getting in the way.

Something that **was** unusual was when either one of them immediately put the note that they received away.

So, Cloud **knew** something was amiss when Sephiroth pocketed the note, not even the tiniest bit of hesitation in the motion.

"I wish that I could speak with you more, but I must leave." The silverette said, as if he was aware of his other's unease. They shared a brief kiss, Sephiroth whispering an 'I love you' against Cloud's lips, then he was gone.

* * *

A few hours of delivering packages to nameless and faceless people later, Cloud nearly collapsed into 'Gainsborough's Floral Décor'; a flower shop (with flowers both fake and real, but you could hardly tell the difference) owned by the family of his closest friend, Aerith; worn with the same physical and emotional tiredness from earlier.

The cheerful brunette woman was lovingly tending to her favorite yellow roses, humming a light-hearted melody as she did when Cloud came in. A small chime went off and Aerith spun around, the pink dress she was wearing fanning around her, ready to greet another customer.

"Oh, Cloud!" she greeted him with her usual radiant cheer. "It's good to see you. How are you today? Is work going well?"

Cloud nodded to Aerith. "Work is as good as it'll ever be and I'm… **fine**." The way he said the word didn't sound like he really was.

Aerith noticed this. She set down her spray bottle and approached Cloud, who was leaning against the counter. "You don't sound 'fine'."

"But, I am." _That's a lie._

The florist smiled at him, a motherly smile that clearly stated: _You can tell me _anything_. How long have you known me?_

Cloud sighed, a weary and depressed sound. "Alright, I'm not. But it's… complicated." He looked at his left hand, where a simple gold band was situated on his ring finger.

Aerith followed his gaze silently. She knew from the beginning that it was about **him**. As of late, it was **always** about **him**.

The silence remained for a while longer, and then Aerith spoke.

"Cloud?"

"Hm?"

"Did you tell him?"

This brought the blonde from his thoughts. He looked up from the ring to Aerith's jade eyes.

"I gave him a note." was his sullen reply.

The florist giggled lightly. "It's still cute how you two give each other notes."

Cloud frowned.

"But, it's understandable. You need to talk somehow, if not face-to-face." she finished, looking at Cloud with gentleness in her eyes.

"Yeah…" He looked away again.

"Cloud?"

"Hm?"

Aerith shuffled slightly, hesitating. "If you don't mind my prying, what does the note say?"

Across the town, Sephiroth was at the fountain court, taking a break from patrolling.

Staring at the water that reflected the sky's strange pink-purple hue, he sighed.

Shoving a hand in his coat pocket, he turned to walk away when his fingers brushed against something. It took Sephiroth a little to remember what it was and pulled the note from his pocket.

It was just standard lined paper, no special stationary ("Paper should just be plain and basic," Cloud had told him deadpan, giving Sephiroth the first of many notes after he jokingly pretended to be insulted at Cloud's 'shabby stationary'. "if the paper has little designs all over it, it takes away from the depths of the words it has written on it.") and was folded into a neat square.

Sephiroth unfolded it and began reading:

'_I keep telling you every time and you always ask again. Do you want a different answer? You won't get one, I guarantee you that. I love _you_ and I want _you. No one else. I f neither one of those were true, I wouldn't be in this relationship, would I? I think that maybe, you_ need to choose._

_Do you want to be with me or do you want to be with Marluxia? I have to know. But, either way you choose, I just hope you'll be happy._

_And I know you claim that you're this heartless, unfeeling person, but you're _not_! If you are what you claim to be, then that makes me think: I s what you say true? Do you love me? Because someone that has no heart can't say that they love and mean it._

_Yours truly,_

_Cloud_

He folded the note back up, his mind thoughtless and his face blank. He glanced down to the paper he still had in his hand, his features morphing into a sad expression, almost mournful.

Sephiroth turned back to look at the fountains. "Cloud… why can't you **see**…?"

* * *

I'm sorry I haven't been updating this story… I've kinda been ignoring this, putting it off, etc… And I'm sorry if this is lacking in… any overall good quality. But, I will try to update when I'm given the chance.

Oh, and a big thank you to rune101, dawn chase, Dragi, and Ashlan. You guys fueled me through this one. *hugs*


End file.
